#123: Ecks

Yo yo yo bitches! Did you even notice I hadn’t written lately? Didn’t think so. Too busy getting yourself off to thoughts of Rafael Nadal eh? And for the record he actually is funny looking.
I do have some pretty good reasons for causing the desperate feelings of loneliness......you’ve obviously experienced recently......

I’m still using the same laptop my mother kindly introduced to the joys of alcoholic beverages. I should really get a new one, but I was hoping its erratic behaviour would eventually settle down to something more manageable. Because it has settled down somewhat...apart from 'shift' getting stuck on if I type too fast... Yeah that is a bit of a problem to be honest.
The other problem is the ‘x’ key. It randomly gets stuck on goes xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx like a crazy mutha, making anything I try to write look as if its emphasising being hardcore or subject to excessive redaction. Even when it doesn’t do it there's a problem because it then doesn't work whatsoever. I have remedied being without the 'x' key by typing ‘ecks’ instead. As in, transsecksual. Spellcheckers totally know what I mean! But lately I discovered that pressing right shift types ‘x’. But fuck, you don’t really need to know. Luckily, you'll read any pointless shit.

An even better reason for not writing lately is a horrendous injury I suffered to my right thumb. For a day or two I was worried in case it was broken, it was so painful. Luckily I didn’t need to go to the doctor about it, which is good. Because I didn’t want to give away details of my secret mega-combo-super-move, where I take off my underpants, trousers and socks in one swift movement using just two thumbs. Also I’ve found telling people I’ve sprained my thumb taking my pants off garners little sympathy. But maaan you should see how I do it! I leave a pile of clothes on the floor that looks just like I’ve melted away like the bloke in ‘Who Framed Roger Rabbit?’.

I did also have a backup excuse, which was going to be that I was busy being in Washington at the inauguration, protesting that none of my featured candidates became president. But as it's now February I didn't think it would be sufficiently convincing. I was going to use the following photo as evidence and tell you I’m the one in the hat.



Finally, I’ve decided I might post every Monday and Friday. I still haven’t quite found the right balance, but that might work. [Question You Must Answer In The Form Of A Comment:] What do you think? (if no one bothers commenting, I’m giving up and will use the extra time to go badger watching)