#121: "I Got You Babe"

“Christmas” is over. No more merry this or happy that, we just revert back to arsing “hello”. Which is at least more honest than wishing the fuckers well. Yeah, instead of lying we just begrudgingly conform and repeat empty “hello”s with skillful indifference, whilst secretly wishing ill of all the twatting people we see. Also, no longer being the festive season, we can all now drink and drive once again and don’t have to give a shit about burning down our living rooms or considering the less fortunate. Yeah, goodbye to decorations, safety awareness, kindness and joviality and hello to Soviet-style January!! Whoop!!

Because people are so fucked around Christmas, with all that excruciatingly date-defined kissing and hugging and bollocks. If December is encouraged to feel like a fucking Disney movie then January is a battle scene from one of the Lord of the Rings movies. And no I can’t be more specific, having not seen any of them! But I do know we all now resemble fat fucking Orcs and are devastated by the absence of a Disney ending to December. Instead, we once again move from a sickeningly happy imaginary land to one of darkness and dread. Having seen one more year of our lives fucking wasted and looking ahead to another futile 12 months of embarrassment, we gladly disregard the lies that were hope, happiness and optimism to violently clash in our thousands in a brutal nightmarish crush of despair, in the hope we can salvage something from our limited existence and buy a half price handbag. CHARGE!!!! (...my Mastercard - hehe)

Idiots with no money fighting each other at sales is brill. In fact I'm really enjoying the whole economic pessimism goin' down. The first time I was really made aware of an economic change was when my regular prostitute Betty increased her prices last October. When she told me it was because things were a lot tighter than usual I just assumed she had started doing her pelvic floor exercises again and was just charging me more for a better standard of service. I never for one moment thought she needed more money to supplement her pension. [NB Paragraph contains at least one joke]

But I’ve always written here about people’s total lack of general appreciation and I have a feeling the most selfish individuals will feel most depressed by the whole situation. Everyone should really enjoy imagining thick debt ridden materialistic tanned cocks losing their houses. And if some other people get so addicted to Littlewoods that it results in them having their legs repossessed, so be it.
No, it's not negative to think like that, because even people with real money problems who have maybe lost their job, with the right attitude, will see it all in the spirit of the song I Got You Babe by Sonny and Cher, like I do. Because remember, you do have me to hold your hand, to understand, walk with you, talk with you, kiss goodnight, hold you tight and so on and so forth.

During this time of crisis my feelings towards Gordon Brown have become even more intense. If this isn't the time for a 'chunky' prime minister then God only knows when is. I realise not everyone feels so aroused by his leadership. But imagine my horror to discover these "people", badmouthing my Gordon in forums and such like have used MY photo from MY photobucket thingy that I had used on MY post!!

"WHO EMPLOYED THIS MORON TO RUN THE COUNTRY ? A PICTURE SPEAKS A THOUSAND WORDS"

"Haha, Barak might be bad, but check out Gordon Brown in his younger days"

"As for Gordon Brown - well would you sell anything to a student that looked like this?"

"look at this pic of the weird cunt .Looks like he just smoked a fat blunt!!!"

"The camera never lies!"

"OUR" GORDON! He STILL doesn't get it does he?

It's absolutely disgraceful that people don't show him more respect. Having a difference of opinion is one thing, but sometimes they should just remember the importance of the position he holds, as my current homoerotic obsession.

However, on the bright side, one of my photos was used on a website called lookfordiagnosis.com. Mines the one above “If you do actually have pleurisy...”

To finish on a slightly downbeat note, If I Was A Gecko hasn’t escaped the economic crisis. I regret to inform you OF THE DAY has been made redundant. I know, I’m sorry, but it was either him or me and I’m marginally more real. While I was clearing his desk I found some notes entitled, Alternative Breakfast Cereal Sounding Names Gordon Brown Rejected Using Instead Of “Credit Crunch” OF THE DAY. Hmmm, let’s see what he has… Recessionios, Debtabix ........Debtabix Minis....Kelloggs’ DeflatioN Fibre, Frosted Depressions - "They’re Gr-r-reat!"....Crunchy Nut Economic Downturn and Oh-God-I’m-Totally-Fucked-Shit-Jesus-What-The-Fuck-I-Really-Am-Fucked................................................Flakes.
He was deadwood.


[Questions You Must Answer In The Form Of A Comment:] Do you think I should change the name of the picture link to sabotage all the Gordon hating? Do you think I should invest the spare cash I have from offloading OF THE DAY to buy the domain name ifiwasagecko.com? And, even though you got me, do you actually want me........babe?