SEX-CHATATHON: "Stupid Cupid"

Yes, befriending perverts and subtly coercing them to discuss the Beijing Olympics for a post in the middle of December is a bit odd. Luckily that sentence included the words "befriending perverts and subtly coercing them to discuss the Beijing Olympics", which surely excludes it from sensible judgment.

It was shit anyway:

h0rny4u: Do you spit or swallow?
Mary: oh, a bit of both
h0rny4u: how would you give me a bj?
Mary: oh, just the normal way
h0rny4u: tell me…
h0rny4u: ??
Mary: ....you been watching the Olympics much?
[End of conversation]

My direct method was obviously a little too full on. You can't just expect someone to talk about sport right away. So I tried casually pretending I was making inoffensive small talk about massive donkey cocks pissing in my mouth, before I shamefully used them and mentioned athletics.

ERIC: I have a very nice body, a nice tight ass, and I’m very well hung
Mary: nice
ERIC: My cock is almost 12 inches long and very thick
Mary: 12?
ERIC: yes
Mary: you could pole vault with that
[End of conversation]

I almost gave up and whilst talking to Bongos on MSN, I did find a dirty fan of the Olympics. Bongos also likes the Olympics... so....:

[MSN]-
If I Was A Gecko: add "somebloke"@hotmail.com
Bongos: why?
If I Was A Gecko: do it
Bongos: ok
If I Was A Gecko: say "hey, it's mary. just thought i'd add you. but we can keep talking where we are for now"
-
Bongos: i dont want to do this
If I Was A Gecko: tell him you just need to get the front door
If I Was A Gecko: then i can fill you in!
Bongos: ok
Bongos: where did you find this one?
If I Was A Gecko: well his name is "norweigan boy"
Bongos: ok
Bongos: or "Mats"
If I Was A Gecko: or that
If I Was A Gecko: and he likes the olympics
Bongos: YAYAYAY
Bongos: he seems polite
If I Was A Gecko: and youre from michigan
Bongos: right
If I Was A Gecko: and youre 32
If I Was A Gecko: and he's nice
Bongos: oh so youve found me a boyfriend!
If I Was A Gecko: yes
If I Was A Gecko: yes i have
If I Was A Gecko: who may or may not be a polite sex fiend
-
Bongos: i dont know what to say to him
If I Was A Gecko: well ive mentioned the Norway gold medal in rowing
-
Bongos: he's nice
If I Was A Gecko: seeeee
Bongos: so nice that i cant help but talk to him
Bongos: he winks a lot
Bongos: ive told him im a fan of nastia liukin ha
If I Was A Gecko: well i'll leave you with that then
Bongos: noooooooooo
If I Was A Gecko: why??
Bongos: because i dont want to be left here
Bongos: alone
-
If I Was A Gecko: have fun you two! ;)
Bongos: haha
If I Was A Gecko: im such a fucking cupid!
Bongos: stupid cupid
-
If I Was A Gecko: dont forget to mention the Olympics a lot
Bongos: all we're talking about is the olympics
If I Was A Gecko: ha, this is like a chat-relay and we passed the baton perfectly!!!
Bongos: haha
Bongos: youre such a chump


[Some time later]
If I Was A Gecko: so how are things.....?
Bongos: great
If I Was A Gecko: great eh?
Bongos: yep
If I Was A Gecko: why's that?
Bongos: i just ate some pineapple so i feel nice
If I Was A Gecko: you still single?
Bongos: yes
Bongos: why wouldnt i be?
If I Was A Gecko: well you know.... a certain Norwiegan hunk
Bongos: ha
Bongos: he isnt a hunk
Bongos: he's skinny
If I Was A Gecko: but he's nice though right?
Bongos: i got bored of him
If I Was A Gecko: oh
If I Was A Gecko: didn't it even get dirty?
Bongos: i didnt want it to
Bongos: i wouldnt know what to say
Bongos: he attempted it
Bongos: by suggesting fun things to do in the snow
Bongos: and i said "dancing?"

I was obviously disappointed Mats and Bongos didn't blossom into the first ever If I Was A Gecko wedding. But at least they had a nice chat about the Olympics. (Actual conversation):

Bongos: so, what else are Norway good at?
Mats: hmmm we are in the finals in the womens handball tomorrow
-
Bongos: I'm a big fan of Nastia Liukin
Mats: hehe me to
Mats: (she is cute ;) )
Bongos: hehe, i agree!


Part of me now wishes I'd introduced her to someone else I found instead.

varley: HEY
Mary: hi
varley: asl plz
Mary: 32 f usa
varley: im 20 m uk
varley: wat u wanna chat bout
Mary: the olympics
varley: kk
varley: I aint really bin watchin it
Mary: not even the sexy events?
varley: wat sexy events, the gymnastics
Mary: or beach volleyball
varley: yh thats ok
Mary: or the synchronized fellatio
varley: wats fellatio
Mary: it’s a kind of cycling
varley: kl kl