#116: "Children & Animals"

Sometimes I think I’m allergic to normal adult relationships, as well as cats and other things [spider crab] I still stroke cats, hopefully remembering to wash my hands afterwards, and I still endeavour to find a freak like me [an iguana] Not in the Sugababes sense though..... [owl] I don‘t necessarily “wanna freak in the morning - freak in the evening” [eagle] I just someone who’s the same sub-species as myself [peacock]

In case you have yet to noticed, this post is partly about animals [spider] So I am using links to photos of animals that I have on my laptop, in place of full stops/“periods” [lizard] I should point out that none of photos were taking in a zoo - I’m not a fucking drugs cheat [green shield bug]

Even though I just simply wanted to illustrate the large amount of photos of animals I have, I now see that left unexplained, it could change the meaning of some sentences [turtles ‘n’ shit] For some, it’s not only 'don’t work with children or animals', but rather, don’t bother with the fuckers at all if you can help it [triop] My uncle is like that to the extent he is now going to move to a tiny cottage in the country because children keep playing near his house [donkey] He is a bit of a cock though [ducklings]

The large majority of the photos I have were taken with my nephew or niece [poodles] As you know, I like children and animals and think I’d feel pretty depressed if I didn’t happily act like an arse with kids or grow tadpoles [my pet newt] My niece and I are growing 8 tadpoles, all called Tim. Named solely because of alliteration it must be said, not a tribute to Tim Russert [new born lambs] But we just found out 3 or 4 of them are newts and the rest frogs, so now they're probably not technically tadpoles any longer, that’s the alliteration out of the window [pony]

If only people allowed themselves to enjoy other living creatures and show empathy then it would certainly make them happier, more peaceful individuals [pig] But I bet The Animals didn’t even have time for animals..... [octopus] With all that touring and appearing on Hullabaloo and everything.....[caterpillar?]

When I was a teen and not feeling particularly great, I used to skip school and, not wanting to be seen, often found myself in the rural outskirts of town, in fields with cows [swans, outside my house] I mean, we used to have a fair amount in common really [deer] Neither of us ate beef, we both disliked passing golfers, but I never could be convinced to shit in a field though [ferret racing...] Not with my arse like it is [some red bird]


Reason For Me To Want To Find A Wife OF THE DAY - The romantic public proposal..... ROMANTIC public proposal.... or at least being consoled by a bear..

Warehouse Worker OF THE DAY - “Spaz”:
Spaz is his nickname, proudly tattooed on his arm. But where I come from that’s slang for spastic and usually accompanied by a cruel impression of Joey Deacon.

“I am a writter [ironic misspelling of 'writer'] or poet! Free thinking individual but, spiritual!”

The only example of his poetry is one written following the death of his father. So not something to make fun of. But to be fair, it is shit:

“In thy distance I hear thy call of your voice
across times boundless nothiness void
echoes of light, do they really shine there
maybe even heavenly voices might sing
what are these storybook notions?
pleasent dreams escape me into void once more to only
turn my glance
six feet under is where you layeth now
once this strong and eager man”

I thought I overused exclamation marks, but this guy beats me hands down, with such inappropriate usages as:
“My dad had a massive heart attack last Friday and has been in ICU! This morning I got the call to come to the hospital and my dad past on!”
And “For Christamas my mom gave me my dads flag that was put on his coffin at the funeral incased in wood! I will be sure to mount it on the wall in my room!”

One comment: “I pray you know God's comfort during this time” - Like that will help(!)

What I See In The Rain On Weather Maps OF THE DAY - A turkey with a particularly droopy beak turning around suddenly.....

Eighties Television Commercial OF THE DAY - Weetabix...."OK!"

Ridiculous Metaphor For A High Interest Loan OF THE DAY - Trying on clothes...


I was tempted to cheat with some of those photos of animals, but creatures I ate, that were made of sand or not actually real had to be discounted [shark] I’d never date a monkey that smoked [ram] To be quite honest, I am pretty fussy when it comes to sexual relationships [penguin] I've spurned many a goat [miscellaneous..] But [Question You Must Answer In The Form Of A Comment:] what would be your preferred specie of primate if you had to? [eels 'n' shit]


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