#114: "Hard & Hetero"

Following Soft & Gay, it was inevitable I was going to write this post. Even more so because I’m seduced by titles, however little I have to write beyond that (eg. ‘Dough That Hurts’, ‘End To End Action’........... ‘Mental Dave And The Peanut’)
Of course, this post isn’t about heterosexuality (...or hardness), but certain interpretations of thuggish masculinity and the need for some men to be seen as men by their narrow and untrue definition.
I was maybe scared of such exhibitions of testosterone when I was at school, but now I almost enjoy encounters with those meat-over-mind males. I basically always win! I'm good like that. Even better when you learn I've never been in a physical fight in my life.............................. I've never been in a physical fight in my life.

My dad has both the inability to temper the most innate impulses, towards cake, young girls and getting angry, and also makes a conscious effort to be a "man". What? Did I get along with my Dad...? Yeah... Of course... I mean, pretty much. I think so... Well. Not always..... OK, nooooo. Daddy never loved me!
Actually my dad has always been OK really, just seemed limited as a parent compared to my mother, but that is just fatherhood really. He is quite an aggressive fucker when some things happen though. Not so much domestically, but with strangers. The other month some twat in a 4-wheel-drive didn’t stop at a crossing and clipped my dad’s arm. When the twat parked his car in the nearest disabled spot, my dad went all caveman on his ass, shouting and getting all red faced. I found it very peculiar, but to my dad it seemed the correct response and the fact the twat didn’t say much back or fight with him seemed dissatisfactory somehow. I’ve seen him like that during the odd road rage incident in the past too. One time leaving him with quite a bloody head. He's basically too old to fight now.... I don't like to tell him.

Apparently my dad used to get in quite a few fights when he was younger, so I think that’s one explanation for his reliance on getting caveman on their ass. More inexplicable is his arselicking of male friends and colleagues. His voice deepens, swearing increases, as does use of the word “mate”. You get the idea, it’s basically bad. That always sickened me as a child. The concept rather than the incidents. And big slimy onions.

But you see, my dad, as with many of the 'hard & heteros', is more scared of his truths than getting twatted. He’s pretty terrified of thoughts generally. Thoughts of childhood, family problems, anything he ever does wrong and in particular nowadays, his age and DEATH.

The most 'hard & hetero' are just insecure boys really, but with pubic hair and lynx deodorant. I'm sure it's not a good way to be. I know I enjoy not being one. It's always important truth outweighs tendencies towards shallow expressions of oneself. An example of which is seen in a one of todays OF THE DAYS.... [seamless link]


Quotes From A Cock Ring Review OF THE DAY - Candy cock ring - ‘The taste of things to come…’:

“There are three in a pack and each one has few enough candy beads that they can be eaten in one sitting”
“I put all three of them on my fella - top, middle and bottom”
“I don’t think it is possible to take a cock in your mouth and bite the beads off at the same time”
“They only fit around my thumb (And I have skinny fingers) so in the end we just resorted to eating the first one. The next time we thought about using them, we didn't even bother to try and put one on, we just went straight to the eating part.”
“Sugar+Vagina=not so good”
Sadly this is the final Quotes From A Cock Ring Review OF THE DAY. I just rue the fact I couldn't find any reviews of the magnificent Man Shark Enhancer cock ring...

Reason For Me To Want To Find A Wife OF THE DAY - Because conforming is good. Conforming is important. Must conform.

Warehouse Worker OF THE DAY - Henry Silas: 20 years old, from Louisiana - Warehouse worker since being sacked as the chief speech writer for the Barack Obama presidential campaign:
“Man wats tha motherfuckin deal! My name is Henry Silas II aka Lil Bull out that 337 and c/o 06. Wat u bout to read is wat a nigga is so read carefully. I'm tha type of nigga thats real. if u talk down on me or my kin folk that's yo ass. Tha reason is because im a real nigga and only real niggas like me will do some shit like that! But naw im more about making money than trying to go to college. Cuz i feel that if u wont somethin in life u have to go out and get it! Cuz aint no body going to gave u shit or always goin be there for u. And i also dont trust no fuckin body cuz u never know wen ppl are goin to do u wrong or talk down behind ur back! I always keep tha ppl am,"im suppose to be cool wit" closer than I do true friends and family! cuz them tha type of motheafuckers u have to watch out for! cuz shit a nigga like me will come and check u quick if i was to find out that u was talkin down behind my back! "THATS HOW REAL I AM" CUZ I DONT GIVE A FUCK ABOUT WINNIN OR LOSING A FIGHT!”

I was going to leave it like that, but there is more than his somewhat confrontational exterior and Jordan collection . I read a little further; “Love chillin wit my BABIE cuz she care more about me then anyone else i know! I LOVE U BABIE! I dont need no niggas!”
Looking at his myspace, it’s clear Henry is a hard worker and a much more sensitive soul than initially observed, especially when you read his surprisingly heartfelt (UPPERCASE) blogs.

"ALL MY LIFE I HAD A PROBLEM WIT TRUSTIN PPL!!! IT DON'T MATTER WHO IT IS CUZ PPL CAN AND R MADE TO LET U DOWN"
But - "SHE CAME INTO MY LIFE AND REPAIRED MY HEART AND SOUL AND SHOW ME DAT THERE R OTHER PEOPLE WHO ACTUALLY CARE AND IS WILLIN TO LOVE U BACK FO WHO U R. I LOVE U BABIE AND THIS BLOG IS BASICALLY SAYIN U DON'T EVER HAVE TO WORRIE BOUT ME GOIN BACK TO MY EX CUZ AT THA END OF THE DAY U MAKE ME HAPPY FO LOVIN ME FO ME AND DATS SOMETHIN MY EX NEVER DID. LOVE IS SO NICE WEN IT'S WITH THE RIGHT PERSON!!! =)"
Aw, he’s a great warehouse worker. As long as you don’t talk down on him or his kin folk (that's yo ass)....

What I See In The Rain On Weather Maps OF THE DAY - A nice woman holding out her hand whilst wearing a mitten-type-thing with a fur cuff.... Possibly returning a CD by The Feeling.... Well I think it's obvious... See....

Eighties Television Commercial OF THE DAY - Kinder Surprise


I decided to write a post called ‘Hard & Hetero’ almost as soon as I’d finished ‘Soft & Gay’. But just before I posted it, I thought I’d see if anyone else had used the expression “hard & hetero” before, so I googled it. There were only two results, one of which was some comment on some blog - “Good thing Glenn's .380 or .45 or whatever will protect him from the SFP and keep his dick long, hard, and hetero.” Not sure what that means.

The only other result was rather telling. The only other result for the term “hard and hetero” is a review of a porn site called ‘Hetero Guys’ on a website called sexy-gay-male-sex-pics.com......
Apparently ‘Hetero Guys’ is “literally jam-packed full of content”. Not only jam-packed, but LITERALLY jam-packed. Making it one of the first fruit preserve fetish gay porn sites on the net!
I became slightly suspicious of the use of the word ‘hetero’ when the reviewer described his “fill of horny straight guys sucking and fucking”.
“..My favorite being the one featuring a college aged skater giving his first blowjob, you could really tell that it was the guys first time and, that he was straight!” In the same way he almost certain believed Harry Potter to be a real wizard....
“Overall, if you like your men hot, hard and hetero then Hetero Guys is definitely a site you will want to check out”
“..............There are also links to customer support........................”

I do remember an episode of Louis Theroux’s Weird Weekend’s where he focused on a porn star named Troy who was “gay for pay” on gay pornos. I do believe he was straight, despite his repeated cocksucking, simply because of the traumatised expression on his face. But [Question You Must Answer In The Form Of A Comment:] would you be “gay for pay” and if so how much for?


.......Be clear, I don’t want you services........