PRESIDENTIAL IDOL 2008: "Cock & Bowles"

As well as keeping an eye on "our own" presidential candidates, I’ve had the insane idea of saying things about the more prominent candidates. When I think about doing something so normal I do feel a little bit sick, but luckily I’m currently fasting (which is going very well - it’s been very easy in fact, except I’m always thirty).

A lot has happened since I last spoke about November’s general election, all of it rather laborious. That is unless Tim Russert is telling you! Aw, he’s lovely isn’t he? Yes. He shits on Wolf Blitzer and his stupid name and Charles Gibson and his stupid questions....and David Gregory and his stupid upper lip. I think most people would like Tim Russert to be their dad. If you don't you're weird!

Hillary Clinton is a bitch and Barack Obama is black, that all I’ve learnt in the last year. A lot of the things I want to know haven’t been addressed. Such as, since fat Monica sucked Bill’s dingaling, what has been Hillary’s position on sucking him. Did she refuse to do so, if so has she relented or did it motivate to do it ever better. Basically I’m just wondering if she tries harder when she sucks Bill Clinton, following other women having a go. This is what people want to know.

Also, Rev. Jeremiah Wright is too pale for my liking. I want my controversial African-American pastors to be a lot more obviously black. Maybe that’s why Clinton’s campaign were so rubbish at noticing the whole issue at the beginning of the primaries. Also a mistake in my opinion, having someone hold a sign with the word “count” on it, as in “Count every vote!”, if her head is in the way of the letter “o”. When the letter “c” sneaked over her shoulder, I’m sure there must have been a subliminal affect on the viewer.

I actually have followed all the intricacies and nuances of the Democratic primaries AND CAUCUSES. Poor caucuses, no one gives a shit. It’s not been as interesting as the Crewe & Nantwich by-election though, obviously. They don’t have Tories with balloons in the US! They have john McCain though and he’s a cheeky little fucker. Not sure they say cheeky in the US though. But that’s OK, it can also refer to his walloping big baby cheeks.


Enough about those candidates and more about the one’s that are so bad on one bothers to criticise them. I have bits about independent candidates all over the place, so I thought over the next few months, when I write about the election, I’ll present handy summaries. Today - John Taylor Bowles - the silly racist:

Tuesday, March 06, 2007
Candidate That Will Not Become The Next President Of The United States Of America OF THE DAY -
John Taylor Bowles:
The last candidate featured here, Phillip W. Morrow, was caricatured as a gun-toting bigot. I reproduced, at length, entertaining extracts from his website. Following the discovery of today’s candidate, I have realised that the entertainment dissipates when the bigotry is more enthusiastic. For some reason I got this impression of Mr.Bowles when I first saw his picture. I don’t really need to point anything out about this candidate's website . There is certainly nothing very entertaining to be said about it. But he supports my idea that organised racism is largely for the limited infantile mind, when I saw the rather unsophisticated pictorial representation of his feelings. (Following a reader's belief that I had drawn the picture in the name of humour, I have to point out I did not. It was from the old intro to his site.)


Saturday, April 14, 2007
Reply To ‘Fictitious Email Written From One ‘Candidate That Will Not Become The Next President Of The United States Of America OF THE DAY’ To Another OF THE DAY’....OF THE DAY:
[The fictitious email:]
“Dear John, I’m also a Presidential candidate for 2008, but with the Libertarian Party. I have built up some friendly and useful relationships with other candidates, including many of the passionate independents already confirmed to be running. Having looked at the list of candidates, my first reaction was not to contact you, even though I wanted to reach out across the parties and political spectrum. But I thought why not? I thought maybe if I forged at least some kind of understanding with you and vice versa then anything is possible. As you can imagine, I don’t share many of your views, if any, but I still hope you’ll respond positively and maybe we can both learn something. I read your site and in many ways it’s the least complicated of all the campaign sites I’ve read. It’s just all about being white. I think it’s sad that you haven’t developed a broader and more loving opinion through the years. There are so many different problems in the world and you seem to be stuck at first base on the one that means the least. Furthermore, it seems so negative and based on hate, why is that? Man, why do you feel so threatened and insecure? It’s a small world and the free market, so loved by the “white man” doesn’t see people as regards to color, so I find it so archaic that anyone can nowadays. Obviously the National Socialist Movement brings together similarly insecure men and in turn that makes them worse. But if you do really think those things on your site at least bring the views into the real world and up-to-date instead of it just seeming like a little club of hateful and insecure sensationalists. I think the first port of call for any views should be Love. Love for ourselves and everyone around us, regardless of their color, ancestry or social standing. Then it’s important to have a realistic view of the world as it really is and try and move it forward as best we can. Not only is it negative to attempt to drag our great country, and the world as a whole, backwards, I think it’s an idea that will always fail. The world always wants to move forward, even if you don't want it to. Having to live with cancer and illness most of my life I realise life is too short to be sad or to be hateful and I intend to make the most of it and be happy and help the world move forward the best I can, leaving that as my legacy. I fear your “staff” are a little too preoccupied with swastikas, dress-up and childish attention seeking to realise any of that. Nonetheless I wish you luck in your campaign and your life. Peace and Love Your friend Steve Kubby”

[The actually real reply (mysteriously CC to nicholaschappell@hotmail.com:]
“Dear Steve: Thank you very much for writing. It is always a pleasure to hear from other candidates in the 2008 Presidential election. Even though our two political organizations may not agree on everything, the most important point is being able to run and to hopefully obtain printed ballot access. Best of luck to you and your campaign. Best regards, John Taylor Bowles, 2008 NSM Presidential Candidate.”


Since those posts, I’ve learnt that John now has a vice president, in the form of racist heartthrob, Matthew Ramsey and that the owner of nicholaschappell@hotmail.com is their “treasurer” (no one has donated a penny so far), Nick Chappell.

Matthew Ramsay has a colourful website that’s a bit like mine, but where jovial wonderment is replaced by racist frustration. It includes the largest collection of nigger jokes you’ll ever see, although I think he’s compromised quality for quantity in my opinion. He also has a silly racist game for silly racists and their silly racism. It’s basically all very silly. Awwww, silly racists.

Bowles is, shockingly, divorced. I’d guess they’re all single, but what a catch if you’re a female racist!! Cor blimey!! He also has a blog like me, though not as fun. They all run this terribly unsuccessful campaign out of a shop called the "Redneck Shop" in Laurens, South Carolina, which features lots of Nazi and Ku Klux Klan shit.

Impressed by his expert racism, I wrote to him the other week:

“Hi,
I have recently been considering becoming a big racist, ever since a non-white sold me a sausage at an extortionate price. I’m not sure of his nationality, but he was somewhere between Sunflower Symphony 2 and 3 on this colour chart---> http://www.dulux.co.uk/colours/rich_yellows.jsp

In the past I’m ashamed to say I haven’t been very racist. I’m never really sure towards whom I should express irrational hatred. Lately I’ve been using the rule that if they're so dark I wouldn’t want to paint my living room with their shade then I should hate them forever. But I’m somewhat worried that this is wrong. If brown becomes fashionable for interior design I’ll be lost all over again.

Then there are Jews, whom I have to say, I’ve totally neglected as they’re mostly Rich Oranges Auburn Falls 6, which I would definitely paint my living room in.

I’d basically just like to learn from you how to be a brill racist with no insecurities and live life to the full. Obviously you don’t have too much time, as I see you’re stuck on only 15 Ways The Jews Have Destroyed America, but I’d be very grateful if you could give me your tips for having a happily hateful and intolerant life.
Thank you”

He didn't reply.
Silly racist.....

Ew, Hillary Clinton sucking a penis - the repulsion has just hit me.


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