#108: "Dough That Hurts"

I really like making my own play dough. I don’t think I’m overstating the case when I say it’s probably the best thing ever. Obviously I primarily make it for my niece, but it is just such lovely stuff, it make me peculiarly joyous. I make it any colour I want and then play with it, splat it on a table or just squish it in my hands and say, “wow, it feels really really good!”

My niece and I play a game where we both make something out of play dough and the other has to guess as quick as they can. Remarkably she identified my Eiffel Tower within seconds.

I basically want to promote home made play dough and get more people saying “wow, it feels really really good!”, without the use of moistening genitalia. I recently aided a Scottish Scot from Scotland with how to make play dough via email, which proved a success.

But I also have a responsibility to warn the public about the dangers of making your own play dough. When I last made some I burned my finger and it HURT! I did take another photo of it, but I thought it looked rather too phallic.


Rather Artistic Photo Taken By My Nephew Inside A Pub When He Borrowed My Camera OF THE DAY - “Down on the Floor” :
Communicating the comforting solace found when one disregards circumscribable status aspirations.

Essential Component Of A Successful Suicide Cult OF THE DAY - Beware of Anti-Christ babies:
In 1994, the leader of The Order of the Solar Temple ordered the repeated stabbing, with a wooden stake, of a 3-month-old baby. However, Joseph Di Mambro had his reasons, because he identified the baby as the Anti-Christ described in the Bible - born into the order to prevent him from succeeding in his spiritual aim. I say spiritual aim - over the next few days, scores died in Canada and Switzerland on Di Mambro’s orders, in an orgy of murder/suicide poisonings, shootings, fires and plastic-bag-on-their-head-dead chaos. But they didn’t actually die, because they were all reborn on the planet Sirius, so there!

If They Were Another Race/Sex/Age/Whatever OF THE DAY - John Taylor Bowles:
If he were Black or Chinese or a little Nazi baby... or a chimpanzee.

Short Comic Strips OF THE DAY - “Food Fight” and “No Survivors”.

Quotes From A Cock Ring Review OF THE DAY - The Dirty Dolphin - ‘The perfect thing for synchronising orgasms!’:
“Might as well have been from Fischer Price for all the excitement it caused!”
“It could be good for those couples with a massive penis and smaller vagina”
“My boyfriend's brother recommended we try this cock ring out”
“I couldn't find the batteries (used to be 3 watch sized batteries) needed so we invested in a new dolphin. The removable multi-speed bullet takes a N sized battery now, much more reliable, lasts longer and easier to get hold of replacements”


Aforementioned email:

“I'm gonna tell you how to make some fucking amazing play dough!
You'll need, a bag of cheap flour and salt, a good amount of cream of tartar and a little oil. I'm assuming you have running water in Scotland.
OK. Well. You have to get a pan and a mixing bowl.
Then with a small cup you should add an equal amount of water to the pan as flour into the mixing bowl. You still following?
OK. Into the pan put about a tablespoon of oil for every cup of water and heat slightly.
Then into the mixing bowl, for every cup of flour, add 2 or 3 tablespoons of salt and 2 teaspoons of cream of tartar and mix it! Woop!
OK, then slowly add the flour mixture into the pan of heated water and stir, I'd recommend a spoon made of wood! I'm sure you've got one. Stir and stir and stir until it's all pretty mixed, or as mixed as you can get it, and turn up the heat (baby). Add any food colouring you might want. Then you just mix it and mix it on a medium heat. It looks like a total shitty mess for a while, but if you keep it fairly hot and keep stirring, it should go sticky and then start firming into a nice ball. Then you just heat it until it's as firm as play dough! Woop!”

Following a missed call and text explaining her dread about the process:

“Yeah I've just seen your missed call. I did say "It looks like a total shitty mess for a while" though!!"
You should keep it sealed in a plastic bag or freezer bag or something and keep it in the fridge.... I forgot that bit... because then it lasts for like 2 or 3 months!”

[Question You Must Answer In The Form Of A Comment:] Are you now going to make some of my lovely play dough?


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