#81: "Don’t Blame It On The Sunshine..."

...Also, don’t blame it on the moonlight or the “good times”. Blame my recent absence entirely on (Peruvian football/soccer legend) Nolberto “Nobby” Solano. Yes the entirely true, if somewhat implausible, reason for my absence over the last two months is actually because I actually am “Nobby” Solano‘s actual agent and have spent the entire length of the summer transfer window negotiating his multi-several pound transfer from Newcastle to West Ham. You will know him from such posts as ¿Usted Sabe John Peel?, such musical instruments as the trumpet and such football teams as Newcastle United. This is in no way an excuse I concocted following the realisation that my absence coincided with the aforementioned transfer window, thus allowing me to pretend I am a football agent and not just discarding my duty to do fun and frivolous things over summer. Yeah, so this is what I want to believe to be the truth, which is pretty much the same as it being true.

In other news, I have been involuntarily preoccupied by DEATH and other morbid existential musings of late. On the whole, these aren’t particularly useful thoughts, but at the same time are obviously irresistibly fundamental. I think I’ll start having a new section to voice such thoughts, called “I Have Yet To Discover The Meaning Of Life, But I Definitely Know What Isn’t The Meaning Of Life And That Will Have To Do For Now OF THE DAY”. Furthermore, when I don’t write on here for a prolonged period of time some of you start to consider the possibility that I’m DEAD. This has happened on more than one occasion, so I’ve had to give this problem some thought. First I thought that I should try to put a figure on the length of my legacy by attempting to receive an estimation from such sites as myspace and blogger, as to how long my words are likely to last for on here, assuming the continued existence of planet earth, the human race and the internet. But apart from being concerned with determining the cyber-permanence of my legacy, I recognised a need to mark the start of it. Assuming the worst; that my DEATH isn’t an international news item, I will need a way to let people know I’ve DIED...whilst at the same time being DEAD. So now I have added a ‘dead-after date’ on the sidebar. I will change the date regularly to a date I’m sure I will be able to get online before. So if the date is in the past that means I am DEAD and you can begin your mo(u)rning! Brilliant (referring to the idea)!


Reason For Having Five OF THE DAYS Instead of Six...OF THE DAY - As a tribute to the 555 timer, integrated circuit. It’s 23 transistors, 2 diodes and 16 resistors single-handedly got me through GCSE electronics.

Unusual Phobia I Will Start Telling People I Have OF THE DAY - Kyphophobia:
A fear of stooping and becoming stooped. “It‘s totally stoopid!” - Anonymous phobia expert

Something Annoyingly Named ‘Kiss My Something-Or-Other’ OF THE DAY - Kiss My Bingo:
Bingo, but online! I like it!
“Each new member gets 10 FREE CARDS to help get you started, with the chance to scoop big jackpots. What’s more you’ll also get a 100% cash match bonus on 1st deposits on any amount between £5 and £100, plus 50% cash match bonus on all other deposits of between £20 and £100.”
Oh I'm so confused....just forget it then...

Poem Written By Young West Ham Supporter OF THE DAY - THE STADIUM by Francesca Ramine:

Hammers , Hammers in the air
Hammers , Hammers we are fair
Hammers , Hammers we are the best
Hammers , Hammers better than the rest
In the changing room it has a weird smell
In the changing room it smells like HELL
In the changing room it smells like B.O
On the pitch it’s is really green
On the pitch it’s really clean
This is the end of my rhyme
This is the end of Hammers
Time!

International Hidden Camera Show OF THE DAY - Brazil:
Scare people with a skeleton driving a taxi or scare people with a skeleton riding a motorbike. In the devastating absence of a skeleton, pretend to be mute and then yell at people....which is fucking terrifying....in Brazil....


To update the ‘Which one of my parents is losing the “I’m not as senile as you” competition?’, while watching a TV weather report, my mother recently commented on how poor the weather was in Italy .... when it was actually showing...Cornwall.....
So to end, courtesy of my mother’s musing, “I wonder what it’s like being a cow”.... [Question You Must Answer In The Form Of A Comment:] What do you think it’s like being a cow?


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